Suburban Bikerz

A few weeks ago, I ordered a couple of switches for my motorcycle—the idea was to toggle on and off my USB charger so it wouldn’t drain the battery when it was sitting idle. I got some super cool switches that looked like what you’d find in a fighter jet, except when they came in, I realized they weren’t waterproof, and I was unsure how I’d mount them.

I considered getting a MIG Welder and trying my hand at some custom modifications and mounts. But then I’d need a Plasma Cutter. And probably it would be good to have a Motorcycle Lift and an Engine Hoist, and a CNC machine would be awesome. Hmmmm. My mind went to work trying to justify this approach to mounting a $10 switch.

Think about all the other things I could build and weld and cut and weld. Heck, I could probably start a custom motorcycle company right here in the garage. I’d get my boys to be a part of it, and Jenn would be the saucy biker babe in the front office; maybe we’d have a tattoo studio somewhere. We’d land a network television series combining my "BIKR TIPS" project with custom bikes we'd call “Suburban Bikerz” which would go into syndication, and we’d all retire to an island in the Caribbean. But first I'd have to make some more room in the garage.

It took an embarrassing amount of time to realize I was nuts.

Back to the drawing board. I clicked away on my keyboard and found some handlebar-mounted waterproof switches made just for motorcycles for $20. I ordered two of them. Amazon said they’d be here in a day. That was back on January 22. I waited. And waited. I tracked the package via UPS, but the most they would tell me was that the driver picked them up, and they were out for delivery.

I started dreaming about “Suburban Bikerz” again.

Giving my head a shake, I called Amazon and asked if I could reorder them. The ever-helpful Customer Support Agent, Aarav, tappy-tapped on his keyboard, hit enter, coughed, and said, “No. These don’t exist. Would you like a refund?”

They don’t exist? Who am I to question the existence of waterproof, handlebar-mounted, on/off switches. “Yes, please, I’ll take the refund,” I replied, and before you can say, Amazon-Bo-Bamazon Aarav processed my refund, and I was back to shopping.

Surely these switches do exist. Indeed they do. I found some more for about $9, and with Amazon Prime, not only do I get some sweet movies and television shows, but I also get next-day shipping; I will also get (as a bonus) an extraordinary amount of packaging.

I expect these to be dropped off Saturday afternoon, and in preparation, I have my trusty soldering iron and a couple of rolls of electrical tape at the ready. It’s no MIG Welder or Plasma Cutter, but I’ll make it work.