Gadget Addict.

I’ve left my ‘close-up’ glasses at the studio so this will have to be short because I can’t really see what I’m typing. Fodder for another post I’m sure, but today I have a different problem to talk about. An addiction. I have a hole in me that can only be filled by more kitchen gadgets. Not silly gadgets, no, these are serious gadgets, for a serious kitchen. Jenn used to scoff at my Spiralizer™ until she experienced zucchini pasta. Bread Maker? Got one. Slow Cooker? Yep. Air Fryer? Check. Check. Check. All my gadgets are put to use on a regular basis; they don’t just sit around idle. Burger Press? Hell yes. Hard Boiled Egg Slicer? Doesn’t everyone? Pizza Stone? You think we’re amateurs? Garlic Press? I’m not messing around here, I have two.

Back when we lived in Kensington the kitchen in our house was tiny—so tiny, you had to leave the room to change your mind (badum-tish!). Now that we’re in the ‘burbs we have a large kitchen with an island and cupboards and space galore—as you know nature abhors a vacuum.

I’ve been eyeing one of them Kitchenaid Mixer dealies with all the attachments for a couple of years now and think I’ll finally pull the trigger. I’m a little concerned that Jenn will leave me if I adopt one more wayward gadget, but I also think she’ll fall in love with it like she did with the Spiralizer. After all, she did buy me a Pasta Maker a few years ago, and who doesn’t like making pasta with their partner? I envision lazy afternoons together, laughing, mixing ingredients, kneading dough (when we come out of Ketosis), grating cheese, maybe whipping egg whites for a meringue. It’s right out of a ROMCOM-HALLMARK movie; I’d have a little flour on my nose, Jenn will try and wipe it off but misses and makes another flour mark, we’d fall onto the kitchen floor laughing, flour falling like fresh snow, the Kitchenaid humming happily to itself in the background as it mixes dry ingredients.

I’m doing this for us, Jenn!

It’s my belief that a happy home has a kitchen full of gadgets and thing-a-ma-bobs, cast iron pans, sharp knives, heavy cutlery, a Kitchenaid Mixer, and smells of fresh bread.

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COMMENTS FROM ASTUTE READERS

"You forgot to mention you have those three drink juicers that have 18 loose cups scattered all over the house, and that giant Sodastream you just bought... What are those drink-chop juicer things called? Magic Bullets? Fuck those things. The cups spill out of the cupboard! The more things you buy the less kitchen we'll have! WE'LL DIE IN A HAIL OF MAGIC BULLETS!!" — Jenn

"I would just love to see a sample of how people type different sounds. badum-tish! Car Starting: ree-ree-ree-hwroo | Bass Guitar: bum, bum, bum | Mouse click: pip pip pip." — Dallas

"Love this! Think I need more gadgets..." — Neville